Saturday, September 11, 2010

one year later...welcoming another

These figures that sit in my home were a gift from my mother this year.
These faceless figures represent my Glory Babies who, no doubt, have had a glorious year together in heaven.


Most remember where they were nine years ago.

I remember most where I was one year ago.

This date rings familiar for so many and is connected with tragedy, loss and pain for so many. In my life, it is also a clear reminder of God's faithfulness.

A year ago, I sat in the hospital having lost our second baby. Even now through my tears, I can see so clearly the recovery room where I sat in disbelief and anguish, feeling so far from the place I am sitting today. It is no surprise that I am being inundated with emotion as I write, when just this morning, I was getting pictures taken of my swollen belly with an active little girl inside.

The painful moments that turned into days that became months have now become one year. And I'm grateful to say that the Lord has blessed me through my pain and through my joy this last year.

One year from today, I pray that the joy and peace I have been given will be granted to another family on my heart today. On a day full of bittersweet memories for my family, I have learned of the tragic loss of a fellow collegiate minister and his wife. Having been carried almost full-term, their baby was welcomed into the gates of heaven today where his life will be full of worship and praise with a perfect body, standing before a perfect God.

I can picture my babies welcoming him today...


Please pray for Justin and Tara Woods as they search for peace during these painful days that they would see glimpses of the Glory to be revealed in their lives.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

"Hey, don't forget the blessing..."

I've neglected by blog...

And now I find myself with a list of things to write about and the fear of boring you with a long, exaggerated post.

I'll start with the (increasingly) obvious fact that I am 30 weeks pregnant and fastly approaching the day when, Lord willing, we'll met our little girl. What I'm realizing is that there is so much preparation that goes into having a baby - birth plans, baby showers, nursery decorating, ultrasounds, furniture assembly, appointments, (and the list is still growing). And even with all that prep, all the equipment, all the classes you can take, all the diapers you can buy serve no purpose without that tiny being taking it's first breath...and then taking another, and another.

The beautiful crib is not fulfilling it's purpose without a baby to sleep inside of it. The diapers do no good staying wrapped in the package. And as cute as baby clothes are, they are just not as cute on the hanger or folded in a drawer as they are hugging the dimpled knees and elbows of a chubby infant.

They all have potential, but will remain in that state if not given a chance to fulfill the purpose in which they were created.

I'm not sure how to wrap my thoughts these days into a nice "blog-worthy" package, and I struggle to click, "publish post" confidently even after typing for hours on end. What I do know is that the last 7 months have given me a glimpse into one more purpose I was meant to fulfill in order to bring glory to my Creator - carrying a growing soul within my body until God sees fit to introduce her tiny face to this earth.

It blows my mind that I was picked for this job.

I was at a doctors appointment a few weeks ago, and I noticed it was taking unusually longer for the doctor to make his appearance in my room. I waited silently, feeling little kicks that assured me that I would most definitely hear a swooshing heartbeat in a matter of minutes. I looked around a room I had been in SO many time before and thought through all the emotions I've experienced sitting in that very spot. Before I knew it, the doctor charged in, squirted some goo on my belly and there it blessed beat after another.

I hate to admit, but at that time, I had heard it so often by that point, that my thoughts quickly went elsewhere as I pulled out my list of questions and I spoke to the doctor about things far less important than that beating heart. I cleaned off the goo and walked out the door to schedule my next appointment. And just as soon as I had lost sight of the ultimate gift that beating heart was, I noticed a woman standing in front of me with tears in her eyes - and I was brought right back to reality. Having overheard enough of her conversation with the nurse standing near her, I realized she had just discovered that she did NOT hear a heartbeat that day.

It took everything in me not to hug that woman standing in front of me. I don't know why, but I even shielded my face from her so no one would see the emotion on my face. I hurt so bad for this woman. How could I have forgotten what it was like to feel the things she was feeling at that very second? How did I become so distracted by the preparation that I lost sight of all that was truly important - like a beating heart? I walked out of the doctors office in disbelief and in total humility understanding the significant blessing each good appointment truly is.

I face so many of those little (and big) nudges from God saying to me, "Hey, don't forget the blessing" on any given day as I find myself becoming consumed by the prep. God already uses this child kicking and swirling and stretching inside of me at just the right moments to remind me of the things that truly matter.

So the next time you find yourself overwhelmed with the choice between Graco and Chicco, organic or not, lavender or pink, the 8x10 or the 12x18 inch print, choose to remind yourself of what truly matters.