Wednesday, April 1, 2009

...every morning.

I don't remember who texted the phrase to me last night "his mercies are new every morning" but I remember I felt encouraged to lay my confused head on my pillow knowing there was promise for this morning.

But it hurts this morning.

The mornings are the hardest for me. I work from home...alone. My house feels empty. Still and quiet. And every morning I am consumed by a heart burdened for answers and comfort. The visitors, the emails, the facebook messages, the blog comments and the texts have lessened since last week. And I'm faced with the reality that life goes on...even when my emotions are standing still.

This morning I muted the television, closed my email and listened to God...and learned a lot about the Holy Spirit. I found that I run to people, to articles, to songs to ease my pain. Although those are all God-given gifts used by the Spirit, I think they often blind me to the always present Spirit when all of those things are absent.

I realized as I'm preparing for my day that I often become weighed down by the thoughts of what I might face and how different today looks because I am no longer pregnant and expecting a child in October. I see so often the devil peering into my mind and using those fears and anxiety to shift my focus from truth to doubt.

And this is truth: God has gone before me in this day to prepare my heart for what each moment will bring. He's using the silence to whisper to me His promises of grace for each moment. He knows what I have to face today and has prepared reminders for me of his never ending love for me. Even when I doubt it every morning and start my day with frustration and sadness, He gives me mercy - sparing me from the separation I do deserve - and walks with me through my day.

It is a choice to listen to God and answer His call to be still and to run to Him alone for Truth. And I don't always choose it simply because it's easier to believe the lies and let my thoughts consume me of hopelessness and sadness.

Today, however, I choose to listen. The mornings I dread are turning to mornings of sweet conversation with my Lord. These are the words I'm meditating on this morning...

"In the quiet, in the stillness, I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence, I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse, Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion, I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness, You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay. This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore"

None But Jesus, by Hillsong


danielle said...

your raw emotion is beautiful in that i, myself, am so appreciative of you putting the aches and cries of your heart into words. i can't imagine myself in your shoes, but your continued sharing and seeing God's grace in your pain is an encouragement to me. i pray that God will continue to show himself to you, especially in those lonely mornings. love you and still praying.

Kara Kipe said...


Truly God has given you the gift to express all that you are going through in words to encourage those around you. This same song by Hillsong has been an encouragement to me over time. I believe it was written by a man right after he received the news that he had an aggressive form of cancer. He first preformed this song while on oxygen. What an anthem for our lives.... no matter what... there is no one but Jesus for me! Love you much friend. Hugs. Call you tomorrow morning:)